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Spice Up Married Sex

Laura Berman, PhD

How would you describe your sex life? Do the words dull and routine come to mind? If so, it’s time for you to spice up your sex life. It’s possible to create the sex life of your dreams — you just need to add a little dash of excitement and passion. Here’s how:Have sex with a stranger. That is, pretend to! You and your partner can create fake names and adopt sexy new personalities (such as a femme fatale and a macho construction worker). Meet your partner at a trendy restaurant or a dive bar and spend the night pretending to get to know each other. Try wearing a wig or false eyelashes to make the transformation complete. Stay in character all the way home, even when you get to the bedroom. You will definitely feel as though you’re having sex with your partner for the first time!

Make your bedroom a sex haven. If your bedroom is a mess of work papers, dirty laundry, and knickknacks, you’re going to be distracted when you snuggle in bed with your partner. Clear out the clutter and make your bedroom a sanctuary for sex and rest. Everything else should go, including your laptop, the television, and other electronics. Purchase soft, luxurious sheets and covers and buy some candles or a light dimmer to help set the mood. Toys and erotica are optional!

Try sex somewhere new. Just because you have a new and improved bedroom doesn’t mean you should neglect the rest of the house! Try having sex somewhere different, such as in the shower, on the kitchen counter, or even your backyard (provided you have a fenced-in private area!). You can take your show on the road too: Flirtatiously ask your partner to meet you in the bathroom when you are eating dinner at a fancy restaurant, or become a part of the Mile High Club. The danger of possibly getting caught will make it that much more exciting!

Use words to tantalize each other. When people think of erotica, they tend to think of porn videos and magazines. However, there is so much more to erotica than what meets the eye — such as what meets the ear. Try reading a sexy book out loud to your partner, taking your time on all the “naughty” bits, and let his imagination run wild picturing the scene. Who knew being a bookworm could be so much fun? (Authors such as Nancy Friday and Violet Blue have good erotica collections you might enjoy alone or with your partner.)

Talk about what you want. The best way to have more passionate and fulfilling sex is to tell your partner what exactly you find to be passionate and fulfilling! If you don’t speak up and share your fantasies with your partner, he won’t be able to make them come true. Be brave — after all, if you can have sex with your partner, why can’t you talk about it?

The best sex doesn’t happen out of nowhere. It takes honesty, communication, and a willingness to let go of inhibitions and try new things!

Last Updated: 1/3/2013

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